Worrying Mom

I guess being a worrier comes along with being a mom, but there are times when I worry more than others. (I am hoping writing it down with take some of the pressure off.)

These past few weeks I have been worrying constantly about my sweet Paige. She has the sweetest kindest disposition, but not many people know it. She is really delayed. When I think about things she should be doing I put her at a 2 1/2 year old level instead of a four. Don't get me wrong. She is really smart and can pick up on anything, but there are things she really struggles with. Her speech is a HUGE one, but I know eventually she will get that. She gets better everyday and has wonderful people working with her.

The thing I stress about with her is her social delays. The speech has something to do with it as she can't talk well enough for kids her age to understand, but she also has a really hard time at church. She is is sunbeams and every Sunday I sit and watch her go sit by her teacher (I sit on the back row with the 7's) I watch them struggle to get her to hold still, keep her quiet, and just behave in general. She doesn't sing or listen to what is going on around her.

This past week the primary president asked me if I wanted to be Paige's teacher or move up to senior primary. I immediately told them senior primary, then had the strongest feeling that I was the one that should be her teacher. (Sorry my team teacher, you're coming along for the ride.) After I told the primary president this I cried for about two hours. How selfish of me to want to have some time away from my daughter. I always thought that Sunday would be a time to get revitalized spiritually, but with Paige it's all about just teaching her how to behave and listen in church. I feel that Heavenly father was telling me that I was the one who knows my daughter best, and would be the best at making her understand what's going on in primary. (Also the only one who would physically hold her in my lap instead of letting her run around the room.)

Still it breaks my heart when I see other little girls sitting quietly, or playing with other kids. I keep telling myself that although she has some delays she has ALWAYS hit her developmental stages, just a lot later than other people. It doesn't stop you wondering if you are being the best mom that you can be or if she would be different if I had done something different. I want people to love Paige like I do, and not look at her as someone who is different. I just have to be patient and make her feel loved and stable at home, and hopefully one day I will be worrying about all those teenage things. If I am still worrying about the delays, then hopefully I have become a stronger person than I am now.

As an after thought: We had parent teacher conferences for Paige at her preschool yesterday, and they are soooo proud of the progress she has made since last year, so there's lots of good things happening too I also feel like we were blessed to move to the area where we did because they have a lot of GREAT speech programs to help her.